Lions on Broadway
by Lioness-Goddess
Summary: This is what happens when I get sugar-high. Simba's pride goes to Broadway. All seriousness was lost with my luggage. Enjoy! WARNING: This story is really random. I mean that.
1. Default Chapter

  
  
Author: Hi there everyone!! For this fic, I refuse to be serious. I'm not quite sure how to be serious right now because I'm all sugar high. Cheese cake, Coke, Ice Cream and cookies are probably not the best things for me to eat, but it makes my fingers write funny fanfiction. Right, why am I sitting here talking to you?  
  
Narrator: Because you're sugar high.  
  
Author: Ah yes, that's right. Ok, shall I summarize, or shall you?  
  
Narrator: Simba's pride goes to Broadway.  
  
Author: Yay! Broadway!  
  
(Lights dim)  
  
Author: Ladies and Gentlemen, I would like to present, Lions on Broadway!  
  
Simba: It's about time you introduced us.  
  
Author: Shush. Here we go!  
  
Simba, Nala, Timon, Pumbaa, Kiara and Kovu all suddenly pop up in New York in front of a Broadway theater.  
  
Simba: Ok, how the heck did we get here?  
  
Author: (waves) Hi!!!  
  
Nala: That explains everything.  
  
Timon: I hate being the subject of a sugar-crazed teenager's stories.  
  
Author: Hey! Sugar is awesome! (drools)  
  
(Constant rush of New Yorkers suddenly realize that there are four lions, a warthog, and a meerkat sitting in the middle of the sidewalk.)  
  
Person: Four lions, a meerkat and a warthog are sitting in the middle of the sidewalk! AHHHHH!!!!  
  
Rest of people: AHHHHH!  
  
Kovu: Um, Roar?  
  
Everyone: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!  
  
Author: Maybe we should go in.  
  
Kiara: Good idea.  
  
Simba and his friends suddenly pop up in the lobby of The Lion King on Broadway.  
  
Timon: Stupid authors.  
  
Pumbaa: OOOHH!!! I see a toy of me! Can I get it! Please?  
  
Timon: And how are you going to be able to hold it? You have no opposable thumbs.  
  
Pumbaa: You can hold it.  
  
Timon: No....hey, here's an idea! _**I**_ can hold it!  
  
Kiara: Here we go....  
  
Clerk-lady suddenly notices there are wild animals and a sugar-crazed teenager in the lobby.  
  
Clerk-lady: There are wild animals in the lobby!  
  
People: (blink blink)  
  
Clerk-lady: _AND_ a sugar-crazed teenage fanfiction author!  
  
People: AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! (run away. One guy hits a wall)  
  
Guy: Owwwww!!! Stupid author!  
  
Author: (Giggle)  
  
Nala: Well, looks like we have the theater to ourselves.  
  
Everyone: YAY!!!  
  
Lioness Goddess's friends Sam, Jade, Ashlee and Sammie walk in.

Author: (gasp!) How did you guys get here!?  
  
Jade: You put us in here you idiot! You're the author.  
  
Author: Yes. Yes I am.  
  
Sam: Are those lions standing behind you?  
  
Author: _Talking_ lions. This is Simba, Nala, Kiara, Kovu, Timon, and Pumbaa. Timon and Pumbaa aren't lions.  
  
Sam: I know.  
  
Ashlee: Aren't we supposed to be seeing a play or something?  
  
Author: Ah yes, quite right. We have the whole theater to ourselves now.  
  
Sammie: Cool.  
  
Author, her friends, and Simba and his friends suddenly find themselves on stage.  
  
Author: Oops. (folds hands together like I Dream of Jeannie) BOING!  
  
Everyone is now in a seat, including the lions, who are very uncomfortable.  
  
Author: You guys can go sit in the aisle if you want.  
  
Nala: Thank god. I was sitting on my tail.  
  
(Lights dim...again.)  
  
Rafiki-lady steps out and starts to do the beginning of the Circle of Life.  
  
Simba: This song sounds vaguely familiar.  
  
Kiara: (Rolls eyes.)  
  
Rafiki-lady stops when she notices her audience. Lioness Goddess, Jade, Ashlee, Sam and Sammie wave at her.  
  
Rafiki-lady: There are real lions in the aisle.....AAAAAHHHH!!!  
  
(Everyone in the cast screams and runs for their limos.)  
  
Kovu: Why does that keep happening?  
  
Author: (shrug). I don't know. Hey, nobody's here anymore, wanna go play with the props on the stage?  
  
Everyone: Yeah!!  
  
Author: So then me and my friends jumped on the stage and....hey, what happened to the narrator?  
  
Simba: That was the narrator!? Oops. I was kinda hungry and...  
  
Author: You ATE him!?  
  
Simba: (nod)  
  
Author: Uh oh....(looks at readers) Um, heh, that's all the time we have folks, this is what happens when I get sugar high, have a nice day, bye!!!!  
  
Credits roll. Audience can hear Author fighting off lawyers in the background.  
  
Author: I didn't know he was hungry...I would've gotten him a pizzaaaaaa....  
  
Voice fades as she is trampled by lawyers.


	2. Chapter 2

  
  
Author: I'm back!! I wasn't gonna do another chapter, but I was given some ideas from Princess-perfect (thank you!!!!) and I wanted to add some stuff that I forgot to put in.  
  
Simba: You ALWAYS forget things.  
  
Author: Who are you again?  
  
Simba: (sigh.)  
  
Author: Anyway...you can look forward to another sugar-induced chapter.  
  
Nala: They can't look forward to it, they're already here! What kind of idiot are you?  
  
Author: (Gasp) There's different kinds?  
  
Simba and Nala: (sigh) We're glad our daughter isn't this stupid.  
  
Author: Hey, watch what you say to me. I have control of the keyboard.  
  
Simba: Eeep.  
  
Author: Ok, to recap, I scared all the actors off Broadway's Lion King because I brought real lions. Now we're all playing on the stage. And I'm the narrator now because SOMEONE ate the other one!  
  
Simba: I TOLD you I was sorry!  
  
Kiara: Daddy once tried to eat Elton John.  
  
Simba: That's a funny story actually...  
  
Author: I don't want you eating Elton John! He wrote the music for all your stupid little solos!  
  
Nala: That explains EVERYTHING! But that Lebo M. guy was really hot too....  
  
Simba: Hey! No inter-species dating!  
  
Kovu: Um...weren't there some other people here before?  
  
Author: Oh my gosh! I almost forgot! (positions hands over keyboard)  
  
Sam, Jade, Sammie and Ashlee appear out of nowhere, for the second time today.  
  
Jade: I'm getting sick of this...  
  
Simba: Where'd she get the keyboard?  
  
Nala: Simba, do you ever pay attention to anything? She's the author.  
  
Simba: What were you saying?  
  
Kovu: (notices the Lion King promotional poster with the weird looking lion on it.) Hey Simba, look, it's you!  
  
Simba: I do NOT look like that! It must be Scar.  
  
Author: Why would it be Scar if he's the bad guy?  
  
Ashlee: And there's no scar on his face.  
  
Simba: Why'd you have to invite your stupid friends here for anyway?  
  
Sam: She didn't INVITE us, she typed us here against our will!  
  
Author: I typed you here?  
  
Sam: Can YOU think of something better?  
  
Author: Good point.  
  
Kiara: Are we gonna play with the props now?  
  
Author: Yay! Props! (grabs Nala's big costume head thingy and puts it on) Grr...I'm a lion!  
  
Kovu: Does she act like this at home?  
  
Jade: You have no idea.  
  
An actor in a Scar costume walks onto the stage.  
  
Actor: Um, I left my monologue book here....  
  
Simba: AHHH!! It's Scar! And he has found some way to get human legs! I must kill him! (Roars and jumps on top of the actor)  
  
Actor: AAAAAAAHHHH!!! Help! This wasn't in the role description! I KNEW I should have auditioned for Timon!  
  
Author is suddenly lost in thought as the actor is devoured.  
  
Author: Hey...where is Timon anyway?  
  
Nala: He said he had to go to a Bar Mitzvah.  
  
Author: Jewish meerkats?  
  
Nala: That's what I said.  
  
Random guy in a white sequined suit walks on to the stage.  
  
Guy: 'Ello, I am Roy. I was sent 'ere to tame a beast?  
  
Author: You mean like Ziegfried (I have no idea how to spell that.) and Roy?  
  
Roy: Zat is correct.  
  
Author: Where's Ziegfried?  
  
Roy: (losing accent) He got eaten. Happens. Now where is the beast I'm supposed to tame?  
  
Author: Uh...(points outside to where George Bush Jr. is walking.) There he is!  
  
Bush screams as he gets chased by Roy, who is trying to hit him with a chair. The secret service went to McDonald's, figuring it was hopeless anyway.  
  
Kiara: Well. That was weird.  
  
Author: (uncontrolled psycho laughter.)  
  
Nala: I need to get a new agent, who can get me a new author.  
  
Author: But I love you Nala.  
  
Nala: Aww...  
  
Justin Timberlake walks in.  
  
Justin: Uh....is this the theater for Rent?  
  
Author: (Gasp!) The person preppies look up to....preppies....must..suffer....Simba! Attack!  
  
Simba: (Blank look)  
  
Author: Please?  
  
Justin: I'm calling my lawyers.  
  
Author: Oh crap.  
  
Nala: We'd better get out of here before she's trampled by lawyers again.  
  
Lioness Goddess's friends: But how do we get home?  
  
Kiara: Tough luck I guess.  
  
The lions and the author's friends run out the door seconds before thousands of Timberlake's lawyers run in.  
  
Author: Hope you enjoyed my story...AAAAHHH!!!  
  
(Lawyers trample her. Screen goes blank.)  
  
Lemme know if you want MORE chapters, or if I should just leave it. Oh, and I didn't mean any offense to Bush supporters. 


	3. ch 3

Author: Ok, these people keep asking me to write more of this, so I guess I am. I had to wait until I was sugar-high again.

Nala: You're sugar-high again!? Oh no....

Author: What? What's so bad about that?

Nala: Nothing....(mumbles something inaudible under her breath.)

Simba: I'm bored.

Author: Deal.

Actress wearing Nala costume walks on stage.

Kiara: Who are you?

Actress: I'm Nala.

Nala: I think you're mistaken. I'm Nala.

Actress: No...I am.

Nala: NO! I AM!!!

Actress: I AM!!!

Nala: OH YEAH!?

Actress: YEAH! YOU WANNA MAKE SOMETHIN' OF IT?

Nala pulls out her claws and shows her teeth.

Actress: You know what....I think I hear my agent calling, bye! (runs out of the theater and bumps into George Bush who is still being chased by Roy.)

Simba: I'm staying away from you...

Nala: What?

Author: You really should be nicer to Broadway actors...

Kiara: Why?

Author: 'Cause they work hard.

Kiara: Why?

Author: Because they get paid for it.

Kiara: Why?

Author: ARG!

(Mark Hamil comes in.)

Mark: Um, hi, I'm looking for my agent?

Author: EEEEE!!! (proceeds to chase Mark Hamil around the theater.)

Kovu: Jeez. All this over a guy.

(Kiara and Nala look at each other. Author comes back.)

Author: He escaped. Darn it.

Simba: We've been standing in the same theater for hours. And where did your friends go?

Author: They died.

Simba: Really?

Author: No.

Nala: Let's do something else. Let's go to the statue of liberty!

Author: But this fic is called Lions on _Broadway_.

Nala: So? I live in Kenya, I wanna see the statue of liberty!

Author: Ok...

The author and company suddenly appear in lady liberty's head.

Kovu: Where are we?

Author: In lady liberty's head.

Kiara and Nala: OOO AAAHH

Simba: We're in her head!? Cool! Let's go look for the brains!

Nala: What is his obsession with brains? First the elephant graveyard...now this.

Author: There's a guy hanging onto the torch...who is it?

Kiara: George Bush Jr.

Bush: HEEEELP!!! I CAN"T GET DOWN!! THE SECRET SERVICE ABANDONED ME!!!

Author: Let's leave him there.

Everyone: Ok.

Bush: I CAN'T DECIDE WHETHER I'M SCARED OF HIGHTS OR NOT!!!!!

Author: We're definitely leaving him up there.

Random guy: Excuse me miss, are you the author of this fic?

Author: Yes...?

Random guy: Ah, yes, well, I am the head of Mark Hamil's lawyers. (points to huge group of lawyers behind him.) We're here to pummel you.

Author: Simba! Nala! Attack! (nothing happens) Guys?

Back in the safety of Kenya, Simba, Nala, Kiara and Kovu watch a new reality show. 'Fanfic Authors Who Get Pummeled By Lawyers.'

Author: Not again...(is buried by lawyers with extra sharp tie clips.)

Simba: She finally got what she deserved.

Kiara: Daddy?

Simba: Yes?

Kiara: Where'd we get the T.V.?

(Very beat up fanfic author appears on stage.)

Author: Thank you for reading this fic. Before I go, George Bush would like to say a few words.

Bush: HEEEEELLLP!!!!

Author: And that's all the time we have, I need to escape the lawyers, and once again, I didn't mean any offense to Bush supporters. Thank you, and goodnight.


End file.
